The thoughts, insights, and experiences that shape my journey...
and encourage you in yours.
and encourage you in yours.
 This week, Rebecca Dekker of Evidence Based Birth released a study about the effectiveness of aromatherapy when used in labor.
Those of us who utilize essential oils as a comfort measure for our clients have known this for a long time, but it was so wonderful to hear what she discovered as she did her own research. I encourage you to check out this link and take a listen! If you like what you hear, and you are expecting, you may be excited to know that I teach a comfort measures class that teaches clients and their partners how to utilize specific essential oils for each stage of labor. It really does make a difference! {One caution: When you use oils on your body or even in the air (via a diffuser), make sure that the product you are using is 100% therapeutic grade essential oil.} Check out this link and enjoy! evidencebasedbirth.com/aromatherapy-for-pain-relief-during-labor/
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 Life with a newborn can be daunting, especially for first-time moms. Exhaustion, the realities of the demands of a baby, and the realization that your life and time is no longer your own can be overwhelming. (If you are breastfeeding and/or have a baby that won't take a bottle, this is even more magnified.) You may feel that you have lost your "groove" forever and that things will never get back to "normal." You will eventually get into the groove of your NEW normal, I promise. In the meantime, it's super important that you some find time to take care of YOU. It's not selfish, mom. You cannot give from a depleted source. Your whole family will benefit from you taking care of yourself. Here are a few ideas for squeezing in some self-care.
I hope these tips are helpful! You're doing great, mom. Hang in there. Remember, "this too shall pass." Your kids will always need you. This short season of being "on demand" all the time will lift. In the meantime, make sure you find time to recharge. It'll do you good!   Bringing home baby and making the transition into parenthood for the first time can be an exciting time. It also comes with its challenges. New schedules, loss of freedom, the changed dynamics of your relationship with your mate, new routines, and the demands of a needy newborn can put a great deal of stress and strain on the strongest of people and relationships. That transition doesn't ease up much when it involves an older sibling. When mom and dad introduce baby to a new sibling, they may not be thrilled. After all, newborns don't talk, play, smile, or interact. They tend to cry a lot, demand lots of attention that used to be theirs, and change the state of what was their normal to this new normal (which, frankly, they may not like very much). Take heart, mom and dad. This season of transition won't last forever. Here are some survival tips to help you endure those first weeks at home with your new baby. Ditch the guilt. All moms and dads feel torn between multiple children. It's a fact of life. And parental guilt is real (especially mom guilt!). Here is the bright side: You have just brought home some amazing and important learning opportunities for your older child in the form of a squawking newborn! Your older child is going to learn and grow through this time. Some great teachable moments will come at the realization that waiting and being patient are part of life, that it's important to share, care and love others, that life doesn't always revolve around their needs and wants, and that helping and looking out for one another is part of what being an older sibling is all about! Yes, it's true that their life feels a little disrupted at the moment. But they'll adjust and so will you! Expect changes in behavior. You may see your older child withdraw, ignore baby (or you), act out, misbehave, or show regression in areas they had previously mastered. Behavior changes can look different in each child. Either way, know that it's ALL normal and temporary. Your older child will adjust and pretty soon you will all get accustomed to your "new normal." Involve them. Believe it or not, your older child most likely WANTS to be involved in what's going on with the new baby. They may ask to hold baby, play with baby, or help in some way. Let them! Encourage them in their new role and give them lots of positive feedback on what a great job they are doing as a big brother or sister. Pretty soon they'll be feeling a sense of responsibility for this new life and that isn't a bad thing at all. Make time for just the two of you. The demands of a newborn can make it seem almost impossible to spend one on one time with your older child. But see if you can carve out a small window to play a game while baby naps, go out for a special "date" or just sit and snuggle together. Let your child know without a doubt that you love and value him/her and that even though the dynamics of your family have changed, your admiration for him/her has not. That time of reconnection may be just what you need too!   When I speak with clients or potential clients about their hopes and wishes for their birth experience, I have noticed a few recurring phrases among them: "I really want to be able to labor the way I want to." "I don't want anyone telling me how to birth my baby." "I prefer no interventions and/or medication." "I trust my body knows what to do and I don't want anyone interfering with that process." These are just a few of the most common sentiments I hear frequently among the pregnant women I work with. I have said it before, but I'll continue to say it again and again. Your birth experience comes down to two very important factors: Your provider and your place of birth. As soon as you discover you are pregnant (or even before you are pregnant if you are trying to conceive), it is so important that you carefully choose your provider. Do your homework and research. Ask friends who have similar views on birth who have had babies. What did they do? Were they happy with their experience? If so, why or why not? Find out what the cesarean rate is at your hospital and what the rate is with your particular provider (if you have an OB). Do not hesitate to interview potential providers. Look at all the available options within your area. Are you open to a home birth? Do you want a midwife or obstetrician? (Do you know the difference?) Are you educated on birth and do you know your options? Get a really good education on childbirth, and finally, find a supportive, non-judgmental doula who can personally walk you through this process and help you as you determine what you want as you navigate all these very important decisions. Remember, it's YOUR birth. You have more options than you think. :)   Photo credit and thanks goes to: Erin Sather, Cling & Peck Birth is hard work.
Like the hardest work a woman will ever have to do in her life. It's an incredibly vulnerable time, one in which she may feel frightened, unsure of herself, scared, or even sad. She may worry she can't do this work and might even feel like she has failed if her birth plan isn't going 100% according to plan. She may want to quit, give up, or begin to fight the process. These are all very normal reactions to the overwhelming sensations that labor can bring, but the key to a positive experience, even when things go differently than planned, lies in one thing: Surrendering. The longer I support laboring moms, the more I observe that relinquishing control of the birthing process is absolutely key to a healthy mental and emotional state. But it's really, REALLY hard to do. I know this because I have personally been through childbirth three times with my own children. And each time it was very different. New fears crept in with each birth scenario, and I had to constantly discipline my mind to stay focused and in the moment. I was tempted to watch the clock, get fixated on numbers as they pertained to my cervical dilation, and frankly, quit when it got hard. It was definitely a battle of the mind. One thing I intentionally talk with my clients about is the importance of surrendering throughout the laboring and birthing process. Here are some examples of times when this reminder is particularly useful:
I chose the above picture from a birth I doula'ed about a year ago. I love this photo, because the mom laboring in the tub was very close to meeting her baby, and she was surrounded by so much love and support from those present. When I talked with this mom about her birth experience, she gave me permission to share this with my readers about that moment: "I doubted whether I was strong enough to persevere through whatever the birthing process would bring. Since my baby came three weeks early and caught us by surprise I felt like I wasn't fully ready to face the pain. Through the support and encouragement of my birth team and Happi as my doula, I was able to learn how to give in to each contraction rather than fight them. I was strong enough. I did it!" She surrendered, and...she did it! ~Happi  As a Doula, I provide two prenatal visits for couples throughout the last few months of pregnancy. One visit is to plan the birth and the second is used to discuss all things postpartum once baby arrives. I believe both topics are of great and equal importance in preparing for the two major life events they are about to experience. I spend a good hour or two at each visit helping couples navigate the many decisions and options available to them.
If you are expecting, I would strongly encourage you to learn as much as you can about the birth process through childbirth education classes. You cannot formulate a birth plan if you do not understand what your options are. You also need to ask a lot of questions when you tour your place of birth. Here are just a few things you'll need to inquire about in order to create your birth plan. This list is limited but gives you an idea:
Having said that, we know not everything always goes according to plan, but having it in writing absolutely gives the provider and nurses a very solid idea of what you do and don't want. Things like, "Please do not ask me if I want pain medication" take the guesswork out of a situation where mom may be struggling through labor. The nurses know she will ask for help when or if she reaches that point. ~Happi Note: I provide birth planning sessions and private, in-home childbirth education classes. Contact me if you are interested in learning more about your options. This can be a scary time full of many unknowns. I'm glad to answer all of your questions!  The expectant woman is often so in tune with her pregnant body that she often wonders if the things she is feeling are within the range of normal, especially if she is pregnant for the first time. Fears can creep in with every little symptom or feeling, so I thought it would be helpful to address the things that warrant an immediate call to their provider. The following are what we would consider RED FLAGS.
Peace of mind is so important. Even if you are almost positive that all is well, but you are still feeling anxious, contact your provider. They don't mind the call, and you'll feel better knowing they were able to ease your mind. ~Happi What should you pack in your hospital bag? Here's a checklist to get your started! For Mom:
Anything else you'd add? Leave it in the comments below!  As a doula, I sometimes have clients who find themselves needing to make decisions that they weren't anticipating having to make during their labor. For example, the client may not have wanted to use any pitocin (the synthetic version of oxytocin) to help augment their labor, but suddenly the option is there and needs to be thought through. In a case like this, I find one tool extremely useful for my clients in the labor and delivery room: The use of B.R.A.I.N.  Let's take this scenario step by step using this tool.
B. Benefits In our scenario, the doctor/midwife has suggested the use of pitocin to help the labor along. The care provider should be asked at this point why they perceive that this would be beneficial at this point. For example, one benefit might be that it could be a tool to help an exhausted mom who has already been laboring for a very long time. R. Risks The mother and partner will want to know what the risks are of using pitocin. A few good questions might be, "What are the risks to mother/baby?, What are the side effects? Could this lead to more interventions? Do you, as the provider, see any risks associated with trying this? A. Alternatives It's always a good idea to look into alternatives if you don't like the option before you. Ask the provider what else they may suggest if you are not 100% comfortable with what's being proposed. I. Instincts Never underestimate a mother's instincts...or her partner's for that matter. If you are having serious reservations about what's being presented, trust your God-given instincts in that matter. I always believe it's good to trust a mother's "gut" when it comes to her birth and her baby. N. Nothing Nothing? Yes, nothing. Maybe you can negotiate some more time. You can always decide to wait it out and keep doing what you are (unless of course baby/mom are in some sort of danger). Always know that you have a right to refuse anything you aren't ready to agree to. Instead of forging ahead, know that it's okay choose to do nothing. Remember, when being presented with something during your labor that you weren't expecting, having a process by which you weigh your options can be super helpful. So...don't forget to use your B.R.A.I.N.!  The driving force behind my choosing doula work as a profession was my own personal experience. As I have processed the births of my three children, which have all been totally different and unique, I recognize now, more than ever, how important it is for a woman to feel positively about her birth. While I cannot promise specific outcomes for birth clients, I can definitely help set them up for success to the best of my ability with the knowledge and skill set I have.
If you are pregnant and have specific goals and objectives that you'd like to accomplish in your birth, I believe there are 5 important things that you may want to consider as you plan for your birth experience. I truly believe that doing these things will make the biggest impact on your birth outcome. 1. Carefully choose your provider. It is incredibly important that the provider you choose has respect and understanding for the way you want to birth and is supportive of the various aspects of your birth plan (assuming you have a general understanding of what you want it to look like). Take time to research different obstetricians and midwives early in your pregnancy, ask friends who they have used and why, and ask any birth workers you may know already (such as doulas, childbirth educators, labor and delivery nurses etc.) what to look for based upon your wishes for your birth. If you do not feel that your current provider is supportive of the way in which you want to birth, it is okay to consider switching providers, assuming there is enough time left in your pregnancy to be accepted by the practice. Ideally, it is best to have done your research early in your pregnancy so that you aren't scrambling at the last minute because you are feeling that your current provider isn't a good fit for you. 2. Hire a doula. One of the most important things you can do to accomplish your goals for your birth is to hire a labor doula. Over and over again, women who have had a positive birth experience share that it was in part because they had a doula. It's not that we, as doulas, can guarantee specific outcomes because every birth is different and unique. What we can do, however, is guarantee that you have amazing, consistent support. I personally work very hard to contribute value as part of the birthing woman's team, serving her alongside her partner, provider, nurses, and anyone else she may choose to have with her. A good doula knows how to support her client through emotional support (labor is hard work, so compassion and encouragement through the process is key!), informational support (help being able to understand and dissect information as it's given to you), and physical support (hands-on comfort measures, positional changes, utilizing birth tools available, etc). 3. Educate yourself! The saying, "knowledge is power" has great application when it comes to birth. The more you know, the better prepared you are. Truly, nothing can prepare you for the experience that is birth. It is like nothing else you have been through, and probably like nothing else that you will go through in the future. The beautiful thing about birth is that the discomfort you feel has purpose. It is a necessary means to an end...the moment you finally get to hold your baby in your arms! Often, however, women in our culture fear birth because they don't know how or if they will be able to manage the pain. It may be that they had a prior traumatic birth experience, or perhaps someone close to them did and they are scared the same might happen to them. There can be many reasons they are fearful. Because of this, I encourage clients to arm themselves with information, and I often recommend great books to my clients that will encourage them in their journey of labor. Not only do they help educate but they also encourage and inspire. "Your body was made to do this," I often tell clients. "Trust it. It knows what to do." As you read, learn, and arm yourself with knowledge, you'll find that these words are true! 4. Take Childbirth Education Classes. This falls under the above category of educating yourself, as nothing can prepare you fully for the birth experience. It really needs its own category, though, because the classes you take should fall in line with your goals for your birth. Childbirth education classes can be very helpful for understanding the process of labor and birth and should present you with specific options to consider as you formulate your birth plan. There are so many choices out there for your consideration. I encourage you to again do your research and then pick the one that seems to be the best match for you and your goals for your birth (as well one that will best serve your partner!). 5. Formulate a birth plan. Creating a birth plan is something I do with my clients as part of my service to them, but if a doula isn't an option for you, then there are several great websites and templates you can utilize. Your birth plan should be very specific. It should be kept concise and limited to one page, as nurses and doctors don't have time to read pages and pages once you are admitted to your place of birth. Ideally, it is helpful if it can be presented to your provider at least one month before your estimated due date so that they can review it. In my experience, I have found that most doctors and nurses are very happy to see a birth plan and spend time going over it with you. I truly hope that these five suggestions are helpful to you as you plan for the birth of your baby. It is my desire that all women be armed with support, knowledge and information that results in a positive birth experience. Thanks for reading! Happi |
AuthorHappi loves serving families in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago as a labor doula and childbirth educator. When she's not at a birth, she loves spending time at home with her loving husband and homeschooling her sons. She also finds great joy in serving the Lord at her church and teaching children about the love of Jesus! Archives
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