Before my husband and I got married, the best advice I received was that preparing for the marriage itself was infinitely more important than preparing for the wedding.  The wedding was a day; but the marriage is a lifetime.

So it is with birth.  

Parents spend months preparing for the arrival of the baby.  They spend hours upon hours tweaking their baby registries, picking themes and colors for the nursery, picking out furniture, and hopefully taking classes as they prepare for the birth of baby.  As a doula, I devote an entire prenatal session to helping them formulate a birth plan and encouraging couples to think through every aspect so that we can do our best to set them up for an experience that meets their goals.

In addition, I spend the entire next session with them talking about what they want the first six to eight weeks postpartum to look (and feel) like.  Just as we did in the birth planning session, we talk about every aspect of how they want to spend those first weeks and what would help them feel the most supported as they navigate life with a new baby in the home.

Unfortunately, we do not do a very good job supporting new parents in this transition.  So much pressure is placed on families to get back to "normal" and to get back to work.  Dads are rarely given paternity leave, many new moms often don't have family or friends close by to help (or they work and have to get back to work as well), and so many moms are left with virtually no one to walk beside them in those early days.

So what's a mom to do?

1.  Secure help.
​Do you have friends or family in the area, or people who would be willing to come into town to help you for the first couple weeks?  If so, take advantage of any offers of help that are given.  If not, hire a postpartum doula!  You'll need help with the daily tasks of keeping the home running smoothly.  Having assistance with meals, laundry, cleaning, errand running, etc. is so helpful in those first couple weeks.

2.  Gather support.
Are you planning on breastfeeding?  Do you have other kids that need care?  Do you have a history of perinatal mood disorders with prior children?  If so, have your support systems in place BEFORE baby is born.  You'll be so glad you have numbers to call and resources to draw upon should the need arise.

3.  Educate yourself.
Many families enter into new parenthood blindly.  I do not recommend this.  As much as you think you know how to change a diaper, give baby a bath, care for a newborn, feed baby, etc, you'll find that when the baby is home 24/7 with you, there will be many, many things you don't know.  Taking classes ahead of time (breastfeeding, newborn basics, etc) will help you feel much more confident!

4.  Keep your expectations realistic.
This is so important.  Expect that you won't sleep much.  Expect that you'll be sore and bleed a lot.  Expect that your hormones will do crazy things like cause you to cry, be mad and have night sweats.  Expect your life to evolve into a "new normal" that does eventually feel more "normal."  But it won't happen right away.  Be patient with yourself as you adjust to life with your new baby.

If you have other questions about this topic or others related to motherhood, parenting, birth, or pregnancy, contact me!  I love providing information and resources to families!

When I started this blog, I wanted it to be, at times, a place for me to reflect upon my own insights and experiences that have had a hand in shaping me as a doula. This is one of those times.

I am a Christian.  My faith in Christ is the most important thing to me and it drives everything I do in my life.  I am certain that God led me into this work as a doula for many reasons and I believe that His desire is that I would bring Him glory as I serve women in this very important time in their life.   As a result, I felt compelled to share how and why my faith influences me as a doula.

As a disclaimer, I want to say up front that I partner with couples and families of all faiths.  In fact, one of the most important things to me is that my clients and their families know that I hold no judgment toward them for any of their choices, especially in birth.  I support people right where they are, as they are, and I believe this is one of the most powerful and valuable things I give to them as their doula.  Becoming a doula has been one of the best things to happen to me in my own spiritual journey as I have learned so much about myself and others.  I will always be grateful for that!

Here is why I believe there to be a very distinct connection between God and birth.  

First, I believe that God made the woman and baby fearfully and wonderfully.  I believe that God is the Giver of life, and all aspects of life have been His idea from the beginning.  As a doula, this means that I trust the pregnancy, labor, birth, and postpartum process implicitly.  I believe that the pregnant woman's body was perfectly made to birth her baby.  This doesn't mean that things sometimes can (and do) go differently than originally planned.  But in most cases, I know that this is a perfect process that God has designed beautifully as mom and baby work together.  As I support my clients, I know that I simply need to support the process and not interfere with it.  

Secondly, I believe that God instructs me to hold no judgment against others.  As a doula, this means that supporting women in all birth choices is of utmost importance to me.  I stated before that I support ALL women.  So whether they birth at home in a tub or choose to get an epidural the moment they step into their hospital room, I am there, ready to support them in their choices.  I treat the women in those two scenarios the same, because birth is a very vulnerable time for a woman, and she likely has very good reasons that brought her to those choices.  It is simply my job to support her, without judgment, no matter what.  

Finally, I believe that pregnancy, birth, and babies are all miracles from God.  Every aspect of the process - from conception, pregnancy, labor, and birth to mother-baby bonding and her ability to feed and nurture her child - are truly incredible.  I am in awe of the way God designed mom and baby to work together so beautifully.  It impacts me as a doula, because I have the knowledge of how the process works in order to support mom, but I also believe in the God and Giver of life that is guiding each of them.  As I work with mom in pregnancy, for example, I can encourage her with such assurance that her body can be trusted to provide all it needs to for her baby.  In labor and birth, I can remind her that every wave/surge/contraction is bringing her closer to meeting her baby for the first time, because I know that they are both working together, in sync with one another, just as God designed.  As baby is born and mom holds him/her for the first time, I watch as the two of them are filled with God-given instinct.  Baby rests quietly, and then soon begins looking for nourishment.  Mom has already been producing what baby needs and is ready to provide it.  Oxytocin overwhelms mom with love and a desire to nurture her baby and bonding continues.  I can affirm her in those things and remind her that she is doing great and all is well.  Should mom choose to breastfeed, her milk provides all baby needs, and mom and baby are off to a great start.  It's all truly MIRACULOUS.  

This is why I do what I do.  I believe in the process.  I am passionate about helping moms achieve a positive birth experience because I know that it  increases the likelihood that mom and baby transition easier into life together.  Nursing goes better, postpartum depression rates are lower, and mom's satisfaction as she reflects back on her birth experience is more positive.  Everyone wins.  

As a doula, I am committed to each of the couples I serve and I am truly humbled to be invited into that intimate time with them.  I pray for each and every one of my clients throughout their pregnancies and labors, whether they are aware of it or not.  It is my hope and prayer that each of them would walk away from their birth experience feeling loved and supported through the process.  If they do, then I believe God has been honored as I serve them.   The following is one of my favorite verses from the Bible, and it is such a beautiful promise to both mom and baby.  I wanted to share it with you today:

"For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well."  
~Psalm 139:13-14

Thanks for reading!

Happi 

I love adding things to my  Pinterest page.  Have you followed me yet?  (I have a whole section on Postpartum Survival.  I hope you'll check it out!)

I think it's so important to plan for what happens AFTER the birth just as it is to plan for the actual birth.  

I wanted to devote this post to a few of my favorite postpartum tips as you prepare to bring home baby (or if you're having a home birth, immediately following the birth!).  These are absolute MUSTS for moms!

First, PADSICLES.  Ladies, you must have a few of these in your freezer and ready to go...then make sure your partner knows how to make them for those moments when you are yearning for some relief.  They are amazing and will greatly aid in your comfort and healing.  

Next, SECURE HELP.  Do not be afraid to take up your mother, mother-in-law, friend, sister, grandma, whoever, when they ask if they can help you.  Say yes.  Especially if you have other children.  These wonderful helpers can prepare meals, clean, help with childcare, do laundry, bring you food and water, shop for you, etc. so that all you have to do is stay snuggled up in bed to bond with your new baby.  There was a time when women were not expected to do anything or go anywhere for weeks after their babies were born.  As a society we have gotten so far away from this important bonding period and resting time for mom.  Remember you also have the option of hiring a local postpartum doula if you do not have support close by.  

Be prepared for the AFTERPAINS.  If this is not your first baby, know that they will get worse with each subsequent baby.  (Sorry to be the bearer of that news.)  They should ease up after three days or so.  These cramps are caused by your uterus contracting as it shrinks back to its pre-pregnancy size.  They can be very uncomfortable, especially if you're breastfeeding.  Ask your care provider what they recommend to minimize discomfort.

Speaking of which, if you're planning on breastfeeding, have some support on hand BEFORE baby is born. This may mean connecting with a local La Leche League or Breastfeeding USA group.  Know where the certified lactation consultants are in your area.  Ask your hospital to recommend one, and note if they have any on staff.  If you're in McHenry county in Illinois, I really like the West Dundee Facebook group. They are so helpful, quick to respond, and an awesome resource when you need some help and encouragement right away.  

Finally, REACH OUT for support if you are struggling as a new (or seasoned) mom. Postpartum depression is a real thing, and it requires immediate attention.  Please, do not be afraid to admit that you are struggling.  Remember, you are NOT alone.  Reach out to a trusted family member or friend as well as to your provider.   Let them know you are struggling so someone else is aware.   

The first days and weeks following baby's birth can be a very joyous time.  But having a new baby to care for can also be very daunting and overwhelming.  Having a few things covered before baby arrives can make a big difference in your postpartum recovery and transition into motherhood.  

​Please always feel free to contact me for more information or resources! 

Thanks for reading!

Happi 

​





​

I think I just nursed my little one for the final time.  

He's my third baby, our last. 

Lately, it would appear that we are both ready for our nursing relationship to draw to a close, but that doesn't make it any easier on this mama.  

Tonight, we did our usual story time, nursing, singing, rocking routine, and I lingered there with him knowing this was likely the final time we would be experiencing this, just the two of us.  This weekend he's going on an adventure with his daddy and brothers, and when he comes back, I don't know if he will ask again. There were two nights this week (including his second birthday) that he just sat contentedly in my lap while we sang our songs and rocked.  

The mother-nursling relationship is so unique in that it provides a beautiful, nourishing place that only mom and baby get to experience together.  That awesome "love hormone" oxytocin is released when baby feeds, and it has amazing benefits to both mom and baby. No one else in the family can share this as it's perfectly created for just them.  It's such a special, intimate time as mother and baby bond from the very beginning.  As baby grows, mom's body continues to provide absolutely everything - from beginning to end - that baby needs.   It's such a miracle.

This time around, I knew that babies do eventually wean, and so I was in no hurry to rush it.  I had no problem nursing him for two years.  I used to think it was strange to nurse that long, as many physicians are eager to start babies on cow's milk once they turn a year.  But I read an article several months ago that reminded me that we are the only species that is encouraged to drink another animal's milk at the age of one.  It didn't make sense to me, and so I did what felt right for me and for him.  I kept going, knowing that what my body was producing for him was perfect.

What a gift.  

I know breastfeeding is a very personal decision and that not everyone chooses to do it.  This is definitely not an advertisement for or against it.  

I just wanted to share what it has meant to me.

Tonight, I was in no hurry to rush him, and it was like he knew...because he wasn't in any hurry to finish either.

And in the dim light, in the quiet, with tears streaming down my face, I saw his little hands trying to form the number "two" since he is, after all, two.  

I held my fingers up to show him how to do it again, and then I helped him form his little fingers into a two.   He giggled and smiled and suddenly popped off my breast and excitedly exclaimed "TWO!" 

Yep, baby boy.  You're two.  Lots of new adventures await us.  

And I'm so glad I get to share them with you. 

Thanks for reading.

~Happi

My toddler turns two on Wednesday. Two!

Fourteen and a half years ago I gave birth for the first time and then did it again four and a half years later with my second-born. Life was moving along at the usual pace of a busy family of four, and then I turned forty.

And I found out I was pregnant.

After the initial shock wore off, we were delighted to be entering the world of babies again. Despite all the information and research out there that supports older moms having more potential prenatal/postnatal issues, I am grateful to say that I did not experience these in any capacity. In fact, of my three pregnancies, labors, deliveries, and postpartum periods, baby number three was by far my easiest.

As I approach my "baby's" second birthday, I've been reflecting a lot on how it's different being a mom at 42 than it was when I was 28.

Here's what I've learned and what I wish I could go back to tell my 28 year-old "new mom" self.

1. The baby phase is so fleeting.
Time pauses for no one, and a baby that stays tiny is no exception. So rock that baby a little longer, worry less about the pressing chores, and inhale that sweet baby smell just a little longer. Repeat.

2. This too shall pass.
My wise grandmother said this to my mom who has often said it to me. (I'm sure I'm not the only one who has heard these words!) "I know it's hard, honey, but this too shall pass." When the sleepless nights seem as if they'll never end, when the tantrums seem more frequent than you'd like, when you're pretty convinced your teenager will still be wearing diapers because they insist on using them instead of the toilet, when your pre-adolescent rolls their eyes at you and then hugs you lovingly two minutes later, this too shall pass. When you're downright convinced you are completely screwing up this parenting thing and are thinking that they'll likely turn into juvenile delinquents, just remember these wise words: THIS. TOO. SHALL. PASS.

3. Enjoy the little moments along the way.
They are only little once, so take time to go exploring, sit on the floor and build blocks with them, go to the petting zoo and see the animals, read lots of great books with them, and live in the moments of life with them. Seeing their wide-eyed wonder at discovering this world has meant so much more to me this time around than it did fourteen years ago. I feel like I spent those early years just trying to survive!

4. And finally...don't sweat the small stuff.
Now that I am the mom of a teen, a tween, and a toddler, I am learning to let go of the things that I cannot control. {True confession: I am a MAJOR work in progress where this area is concerned, as I have notoriously been a control freak.} I have learned that it's a terribly unhealthy way to live and I'm not doing my family any favors either. The biggest life lesson that I feel I am learning now is that I have focused WAY too much on things that have no eternal significance. In the day to day, the little stuff (that often seems SO BIG) is truly so petty when I stop long enough to consider the bigger picture. Relationships matter. Listening matters. Kids matter.

If you're a new mom, an expectant mom, or a seasoned mom, I encourage you to soak up all the moments today.

Life is so fleeting, and the time so short. That little hand will not always be safely held in yours.

Many moms are experiencing their not-so-little ones flying the nest at this time of the year. With tears in their eyes, they might look longingly at your baby or wee one and say something like this:

"Enjoy them while they're little. One day, they'll be gone!"

As always, thanks for reading!

~Happi

"Everyone Poops."  That's the title of a book my sons always enjoyed reading when they were younger.  It's also one of the greatest fears women have in childbirth.  I often get asked the question, "What if I poop when I push?"  

Boys laugh at potty humor.  In fact, in my house, that conversation is pretty commonplace.  But women tend to be more...discreet.  If you deliver in a hospital, you may already be anxious about the point at which all modesty goes out the window when you're on the table with bright lights and doctors, nurses, doulas, and the like in your private space.  Add in the possibility of having a bowel movement during all of that flurry of activity and that may be enough to make you want to  run for the hills and just not do this whole birth thing.

​Trust me when I say that one of the things that all professionals in the field of labor and delivery wish women knew was that poop is really not a big deal.  It happens.  It's as normal and natural to them as sneezing and nose blowing is to us when we have a cold.  And doctors are super quick about getting rid of it as if it never happened.  They get it.  And they aren't freaked out by it.  

Let me put it this way:  If you poop when you push, it means you are doing it absolutely RIGHT.  In fact, doctors and nurses will often remind women of imagery associated with having a bowel movement to describe HOW to push effectively when the time comes.  

So please, dear reader.  Do not fear poop.  Everyone does it.  At least once a day.  :)

​Thanks for reading! 

Happi

Every year as Mother's Day approaches, I'm always reflective.  My husband and boys always give me cards and seek to make the day special in some way for me.  I have to be honest and tell you that I always seem to look back on the previous year of Motherhood and question myself.  Was I good enough?  Attentive enough?  Did they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love them unconditionally and sense by my words and actions that I do?  Was I enough?

If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about.  I know you do.  Because every one of us feels this at some point in our journey of motherhood.  I don't know a single mom that feels they are doing it all right. We've all felt the sting of harsh words we've spoken, regret over the way we handled a situation, the pull of priorities as we go about our day, the guilt of just wanting to fall into bed when they want just one more snuggle, mom.  The list could go on.  You can fill in your own blank:  I wish I had ______________________.

It's hard.  It's so, so worth it.  But it's hard.  Nobody can prepare you for how very hard it's going to be.  

This is where having a community of other women around you, who understand this journey, becomes so crucial.  I hope that you have friends or family around you who support and encourage you.  If you don't, may I gently suggest that you reach out to groups around you, whether you find them at your local church, mom's play groups, mom's support groups (such as breastfeeding/babywearing, etc), or in your own circles.  If there isn't a group that exists, maybe you could consider starting one.  It doesn't have to be fancy.  Perhaps it's simply a small group of you having coffee together while the kiddos play in the back yard.  

The truth is, we were never meant to be islands.  We are hard-wired for community, and we need each other.  We need people around us who won't judge us when we tell them, through tears, how much we are struggling. We need to know we aren't alone, that we are safe, and cared for.  

And we need to know that we are enough. 

Mom, you are more than enough.  Your kids have been chosen for you, and you for them.  And while there are many days that you are painfully aware of how imperfect you are, let me reassure you:

You are perfect for them.

Happy Mother's Day!