Every year as Mother's Day approaches, I'm always reflective. My husband and boys always give me cards and seek to make the day special in some way for me. I have to be honest and tell you that I always seem to look back on the previous year of Motherhood and question myself. Was I good enough? Attentive enough? Did they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I love them unconditionally and sense by my words and actions that I do? Was I enough?
If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. I know you do. Because every one of us feels this at some point in our journey of motherhood. I don't know a single mom that feels they are doing it all right. We've all felt the sting of harsh words we've spoken, regret over the way we handled a situation, the pull of priorities as we go about our day, the guilt of just wanting to fall into bed when they want just one more snuggle, mom. The list could go on. You can fill in your own blank: I wish I had ______________________.
It's hard. It's so, so worth it. But it's hard. Nobody can prepare you for how very hard it's going to be.
This is where having a community of other women around you, who understand this journey, becomes so crucial. I hope that you have friends or family around you who support and encourage you. If you don't, may I gently suggest that you reach out to groups around you, whether you find them at your local church, mom's play groups, mom's support groups (such as breastfeeding/babywearing, etc), or in your own circles. If there isn't a group that exists, maybe you could consider starting one. It doesn't have to be fancy. Perhaps it's simply a small group of you having coffee together while the kiddos play in the back yard.
The truth is, we were never meant to be islands. We are hard-wired for community, and we need each other. We need people around us who won't judge us when we tell them, through tears, how much we are struggling. We need to know we aren't alone, that we are safe, and cared for.
And we need to know that we are enough.
Mom, you are more than enough. Your kids have been chosen for you, and you for them. And while there are many days that you are painfully aware of how imperfect you are, let me reassure you:
You are perfect for them.
Happy Mother's Day!
Happi loves serving families in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago as a labor doula and childbirth educator. When she's not at a birth, she loves spending time her husband and three boys.