The Importance of Surrender

Photo credit and thanks goes to: Erin Sather, Cling & Peck

Birth is hard work.
Like the hardest work a woman will ever have to do in her life.  
It's an incredibly vulnerable time, one in which she may feel frightened, unsure of herself, scared, or even sad.  She may worry she can't do this work and might even feel like she has failed if her birth plan isn't going 100% according to plan.  She may want to quit,  give up, or begin to fight the process.  These are all very normal reactions to the overwhelming sensations that labor can bring, but the key to a positive experience, even when things go differently than planned,  lies in one thing:  Surrendering.

The longer I support laboring moms, the more I observe that relinquishing control of the birthing process is absolutely key to a healthy mental and emotional state.  But it's really, REALLY hard to do.  I know this because I have personally been through childbirth three times with my own children.  And each time it was very different.  New fears crept in with each birth scenario, and I had to constantly discipline my mind to stay focused and in the moment.  I was tempted to watch the clock, get fixated on numbers as they pertained to my cervical dilation, and frankly, quit when it got hard.  It was definitely a battle of the mind.

One thing I intentionally talk with my clients about is the importance of surrendering throughout the laboring and birthing process.  Here are some examples of times when this reminder is particularly useful:

• Time.  Childbirth has its own timeline.  No one can predict the number of hours it will take. A woman's last birth may have only been two hours from start to finish, but that doesn't mean this one will be the same.  Surrendering expectations of time is important.
• Pain. As I work through birth planning sessions with clients, especially if they have never experienced contractions before, I remind them that this type of "pain" is pain with a purpose.  And it does eventually come to an end with an incredible reward on the other side.  In fact, to them it may not even feel like pain, but just be very powerful or, at times, even frightening.  I also like to remind clients ahead of time that they can do anything for one minute, which is the average amount of time most contractions last. In those intense moments, when the pain seems too much, surrendering to the process is really important.  Together, we take one contraction at a time and evaluate management of those contractions in between if need be.
• Circumstances outside one's control. In birth, there is only one thing that is totally predictable:  The unpredictable nature of birth!  (Sorry, I know that's NOT what you were hoping I would say!) I like to remind clients that having expectations of the birth going according to plan is great (we all want to think positively, right?), but I also encourage them to be flexible and hold loosely to that plan.  We work hard to put a great plan into place so that the provider, nurses and all those in attendance know what the client wants, but we also keep in mind that it can change.  Oftentimes, the circumstances that change the plan are out of our control.  Surrendering in these times is important.
• Fear.  This is a biggie. It is so hard to let go of fear, because having a baby can definitely invoke those feelings and threaten to overtake us if we are not careful.  One thing I try to do a lot is encourage my clients to stay in the moment, let go of fear, and of course let them know that all is well and progressing normally.  Surrendering fear and giving in to the process will help labor progress.  Fear will hinder the production of oxytocin (that wonderful hormone that stimulates and drives labor forward), and thus keep a woman from progressing toward meeting her baby.  

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I chose the above picture from a birth I doula'ed about a year ago.  I love this photo, because the mom laboring in the tub was very close to meeting her baby, and she was surrounded by so much love and support from those present.  When I talked with this mom about her birth experience, she gave me permission to share this with my readers about that moment:  

"I doubted whether I was strong enough to persevere through whatever the birthing process would bring.  Since my baby came three weeks early and caught us by surprise I felt like I wasn't fully ready to face the pain.  Through the support and encouragement of my birth team and Happi as my doula, I was able to learn how to give in to each contraction rather than fight them.  I was strong enough.  I did it!"

She surrendered, and...she did it!

~Happi